Less than a month...
Well this post is a few days late. I was all set to write an entry on April 11th to mark the final 30 days until my surgery, but you know what they say about the plans of mice and men... Anywho, this is the first chance I've had to hop on here and say a few words. With only two weeks left until opening night of Chicago, the race is on and between rehearsals and work, I've pretty much only been home to sleep this week. And I haven't really been doing much of that either. I feel like my pre-surgery jitters are on a bit of a roller coaster at the moment. Some nights I'll be completely fine and others I spend agonizing over what's to come. Then throw in the usual pre-performance anxiety and, well, I'm feeling rather exhausted. Thankfully, I have a three day weekend to try and catch up on the sleep I've lost and psych myself up to do it all over again next week.
Alrighty, well to be honest I don't think I'll be on here much in the next two weeks. We're kicking rehearsals into high gear starting Monday and I probably won't have too much to add to all this until May rolls around anyway. As always, feel free to do a little typing in the Comments box. And if you have any pre-surgery suggestions, advice, questions or encouragement, I'd love to hear them! :)
Outside of the nerves, however, I do feel like I've started the next phase of this "journey." With only 27 days left until surgery, it's time for me to stop contemplating all of the "what ifs" and actually start making some preparations. I've decided to make Wednesday, May 9th my last day of work instead of attempting to work a full day on Thursday. I have no doubt I'd be completely useless that day anyway and I want to spend my last 24 hours before surgery doing something enjoyable. I'm thinking maybe a day at the spa or a movie night with friends. Or both? I'm up for anything really that will keep my mind off of Iggy's removal. Maybe even an afternoon on the bike path. I'm planning to be as active as possible in the coming weeks not only to stay in shape for surgery but also because I know it will be weeks before I'll be able to do things like Zumba and jogging again.
I do need to purchase a few things for the hospital stay, some non-skid slippers, a comfy bathrobe, perhaps a cute pair of PJs, etc. (I'm trying to find little things to cheer me up and make the whole thing less ominous and what says happiness better than pink bunny slippers?) I've also gotten some great suggestions off of the ANA discussion forum about what I'll want to have with me. Apparently, chapstick and throat lozenges are vital for post-surgery survival.
In terms of coming home from the hospital, my mom thinks it would be a good idea to move my bed downstairs for the first week or so. I'm not too keen on setting up shop in the living room but depending on how unstable I am it might be for the best. Navigating a staircase could turn into a veritable Mount Everest. I think we'll just wait and see how well I do at the hospital and take it from there.
Since we're on the topic of balance, I must admit that's probably the biggest issue I'm worried about post-surgery. From what I have found in my internet wanderings, those individuals with larger ANs and those who have already had significant balance issues prior to surgery tend to have less balance issues afterwards. This is due to the fact that their balance nerves have already been compromised and the other side of the brain has already started compensating for that loss. Since my AN is on the smaller side and I've pretty much had no problems with dizziness, I'm afraid that I'm going to have a harder time with it. However, I have spoken to other ANers with tumors close to my size who had only minimal balance issues so I suppose, again, I'll just have to wait and see. (Yeah, definitely not liking all of these unknowns going into this thing...)
On a random note: The other day, one of my fellow cast members was discussing his upcoming surgery on May 18th to remove his wisdom teeth. He was bemoaning the fact that he wouldn't be able to smoke for several weeks after and how his diet would consist largely of mashed potatoes and applesauce for the 3 to 4 days following his surgery. I completely sympathized with the poor guy as, thankfully, I have only one tooth of wisdom that didn't need to be removed and never had to go through that ordeal. Of course, I didn't mention the fact that I'm having brain surgery the Friday before his surgery. I did have another one of those perspective-altering moments though. Prior to this whole brain tumor thing, I thought getting your wisdom teeth removed was a Pretty Big Deal. And now, well, what can I say? It's not. I don't mean to belittle his fears at all. It's just funny how our ideas of what we think we are and are not capable of can so quickly change.
Since we're on the topic of balance, I must admit that's probably the biggest issue I'm worried about post-surgery. From what I have found in my internet wanderings, those individuals with larger ANs and those who have already had significant balance issues prior to surgery tend to have less balance issues afterwards. This is due to the fact that their balance nerves have already been compromised and the other side of the brain has already started compensating for that loss. Since my AN is on the smaller side and I've pretty much had no problems with dizziness, I'm afraid that I'm going to have a harder time with it. However, I have spoken to other ANers with tumors close to my size who had only minimal balance issues so I suppose, again, I'll just have to wait and see. (Yeah, definitely not liking all of these unknowns going into this thing...)
On a random note: The other day, one of my fellow cast members was discussing his upcoming surgery on May 18th to remove his wisdom teeth. He was bemoaning the fact that he wouldn't be able to smoke for several weeks after and how his diet would consist largely of mashed potatoes and applesauce for the 3 to 4 days following his surgery. I completely sympathized with the poor guy as, thankfully, I have only one tooth of wisdom that didn't need to be removed and never had to go through that ordeal. Of course, I didn't mention the fact that I'm having brain surgery the Friday before his surgery. I did have another one of those perspective-altering moments though. Prior to this whole brain tumor thing, I thought getting your wisdom teeth removed was a Pretty Big Deal. And now, well, what can I say? It's not. I don't mean to belittle his fears at all. It's just funny how our ideas of what we think we are and are not capable of can so quickly change.
Alrighty, well to be honest I don't think I'll be on here much in the next two weeks. We're kicking rehearsals into high gear starting Monday and I probably won't have too much to add to all this until May rolls around anyway. As always, feel free to do a little typing in the Comments box. And if you have any pre-surgery suggestions, advice, questions or encouragement, I'd love to hear them! :)
You are doing best by keeping busy so as not to dwell on the immediate future. You are controlling your imagination.
ReplyDeleteSome people run their lives with their intelligence, and some run their lives with their feelings. Your writing reveals your intelligence, so I am not worried about your approach to surgery. I am sure you know tomorrow always comes, and the tomorrow after surgery will be here soon.
If I may paraphrase Hemingway again, it is not what happens to us in life that matters so much, as it is the subtle changes those things make in us. You are changing already in anticipation of the surgery, in how you see others and how you react to situations. Post surgery, you will be different in this sense of the word as well. Life will be different, but not necessarily in a bad way.
I wish you good luck.
Thank you again for your encouraging words! You're absolutely right, life is all about how we respond to the situations we find ourselves in. I'm doing my best to keep a level head and turn to my faith with all of my other concerns and fears. Being involved in the show has definitely been a huge help and source of enjoyment to keep me occupied and focused on what's going on today instead of what's happening in the future.
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