Final thoughts...and excessive rambling

Well, folks, the time has finally come. After over two months of waiting, I was beginning to wonder if this day would ever get here. It's a good thing, though, because I'm pretty sure my nerves have had about all they can take. As promised, I just wanted to jot down a few of my last thoughts before the big day. Apologies in advance. My mind's all over the place right now so I'm sure this entry will sound just as scatter-brained as I feel.

    Scatter-brained (and soo ready for tomorrow to get here already!)

Okay, well, first off, my packing didn't turn out quite as planned. When my mom caught wind of the fact that I was only taking one change of clothing, and not even a proper pair of PJs at that, she was at JCPenney faster than I could say "flannel nightgown." Needless to say, after several days of shopping and a couple of phone calls to my place of work to see whether I would prefer pink polka dots to red and to discuss how I truly felt about wearing a mu-mu, I wound up with two pajama sets (both polka dots), a new pair of slippers, and two button down tops. My overnight bag is now busting at the seams and I have no idea where to put poor Fluffin....At least I have options now, right? I'm just glad I put my foot down at the nighties. There was no way I was going to be shuffling around the hospital hallways in a sea foam green, tassled (yes, tassles!) gown with the likes of Dr. Seth roaming about.

I must confess that in spite of my valiant efforts to be anxiety free this past week, I didn't quite succeed. During the day I was okay, especially since I had plenty to keep me occupied between packing, the trip to Pittsburgh, and trying to find thoughtful things to do for others. Nights were the worst as always since I had nothing to do but think about it. (Last night was probably the worst and I'm just giving up on sleeping tonight. If it happens, it happens.) Even during the day, Iggy was always hovering just at the edge of my consciousness and as soon as my mind was unoccupied he would come running in at full tilt.

As I've said before, I'm not really concerned about the actual surgery, I'm just concerned with how I'll be feeling afterwards. Like everyone, I want to be the patient that wakes up from surgery in good spirits and able to get up and walk with no problems. Ultimately, I have to hope for the best and prepare for the worst as there is absolutely nothing anyone can do to predict the outcome. The One who can is in control and I'll just have to leave it all in His hands.

I just realized that throughout this whole process and all of my ramblings I've never asked THE question: Why me? To be perfectly honest, I'm not sure why it never really crossed my mind. Especially since acoustic neuromas tend to be one of the more rare medical conditions a person can have. I don't really have an explanation. Perhaps I am a pessimist after all. (I've been accused of this multiple times by friends and family and my response remains the same, "I'm a realist.") I mean, why not me? These things happen and they have to happen to someone and what makes me so special that it shouldn't happen to me? And, let's be honest, of all the medical problems I could have wound up with, it certainly isn't the worst.

Hmmm...okay, well I can't think of anything else I need to get off my chest. Should any other random thoughts strike me before 3:00 tomorrow morning, I'll be sure to add them. Otherwise, many thanks to all of you who have stuck with me so far and offered your prayers and encouragement and I look forward to sharing good news with you as a postie!

*Also, as a side note, I have procured my dad's services to continue updating my blog in my (hopefully brief) absence. He is neither a blogger nor a typist and is still a little shaky on some things when it comes to the internet/computer so please bear with him. :)